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Feelings are Uncomfortable
Day 21, Saturday 7th April 2018
Hello from my space on the left-hand side of the bed on a Saturday morning at 7am. I’ve done some yoga and eaten breakfast, the yoga hurts, there’s a creeping resistance to doing it, as I work through the moves I’m constantly desperate to look at the time, want to know if it’s nearly over yet. Rebellion feels like my motive, like I’m captive under the command of this person on YouTube directing me, even though I’ve chosen to be there and can stop at any time, there’s still a tingling resentment of what I’m doing.
Of course, it’s hard work, which is part of the battle.
The battle.
There’s been a long running battle within me, part of being human, no doubt, a conflicting and restrictive battle which makes me frustrated, like this person is divided into two.
Yesterday, I spoke of authenticity, that buzzword of the online community which makes me cringe slightly every time I hear it. Authenticity is only of interest, or an issue, for people who don’t possess it. That’s why I talk about it, because it causes conflicts within me, I fully realise that my inner self has trouble aligning itself with my outer world.
Back to the battle. I’m tormented by what I feel, because it’s incredibly hard to find words to put to it. There’s…
