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How My Brain Filters and ‘The Shutdown’
Whenever anything happens in life, I filter it.
When something happens, the response passes through my filter in an impossibly small amout of time. How will it make the other person feel, will it contribute positively to the situation, am I helping with the problem? If I sense the other person feels bad or that I cannot contribute or help, then a very awkward, uncomfortable response arises from within me, shaped by the filter.
It would be far better to just say “holy shit, that’s awful” and sit with the silence, than to assume something positive has to be done. I know all this, why can’t I do something about it? All of this knowledge is in my head, as an intellectual institution, then I go out into the world and get stuck.
My other built-in defence mechanism, perhaps my most damaging, is the shutdown. It’s a subtle, unseen process. From the outside, it makes me look very calm and laid back. Something bad happens and I shut down internally. No response. People around are panicking, and I look like I’m wondering if it’s time for a cup of coffee soon, a faultless, uncracked demeanour. In a previous job, working under high stress against short deadlines, it was an invaluable tool, I was able to deal with all that life threw at me, with aplomb.
