Truth? Can You Handle It? I Can’t

Day 30, Monday 16th April 2018

At a garden party yesterday I met a load of new people, something I usually enjoy. Driving home, chatting to my friend David, he asked about the party “It was OK, I think I was tired, it was hard work”. I assumed that any ambivalence around the whole event was undoubtedly my own fault.

David put forward the revelatory theory that the other guests weren’t my kind of people. This felt crazy, I assume that when I don’t hit it off with people, it’s my fault. Conversely, he suggested the people who I’d spent four hours crowbarring into conversations were not aligned with my values, that there’s nothing wrong with me, and it’s OK to not like some people.

This liberating thought took me back to feelings about attending the party, why I’d said ‘yes’, and many more things besides. I have a default ‘yes’ position for parties, I say ‘yes’ unless there’s a physical barrier to my attendance, such as being committed to another engagement. Therefore, my attendance is not based on what I want, but on social duty or obligation.

“ A lot of people are afraid to say what they want. That’s why they’d don’t get what they want.” — Madonna