What if I published my morning pages online?

Day 1, Sunday 18th March 2018

Almost every single day I hand-write three sides of A4 paper as a stream of consciousness, first thing in the morning. They’re called morning pages and were christened as such by Julia Cameron in the bestselling book The Artist’s Way, a guidebook to rejuvenating the creativity and inspiration in yourself.

Beginning in April 2016, I climb upon my desk and scribble the pages, varying from barely legible repetitions of incoherent mumblings when my brain is twisted and contorted, failing to think of anything worthwhile, all the way to heartfelt outpourings that have left tears creeping down my cheeks whilst writing.

A troubling issue is that I always write as though someone is reading. Letting go of an audience and writing for myself has proven to be a virtually impossible task amongst the thousands of pages that I’ve written. There’s always a consideration of “what would someone think if they found this” or “how will people remember me if I die and this is all that’s left of me?”. Delusions of grandeur aside, why would anyone read several hundred thousand words of illegible script?

Writing for an audience is doomed to failure. David Bowie said “never play to the gallery” because that’s when people create their worst work. Create for yourself and leave it there. What would happen if I came onto Medium and wrote my morning pages publicly instead of privately, would I be able to let the words flow, would my tension…